原文由 happyjyl 发表:
给小姑娘的人生格言提个建议(仅限于语法):
Life is a river, and I am the most active wavy(wave); life is a picture, and I am the shiniest view; life is a piece of music, and I am the liveliest period (movement). I will rush to the sea, though I (may) fall down (on)the sharp rocks. I will save sunshine and burst it everyday, though in cloudy days. I will sing loudly and happily, though pains are (may)cover my body. This is I (me), a sunny girl, a girl who will never give up. Every moment, I try to be a better me (one) and never say impossible ('impossible'). I believe I can touch the cloud one day!
开头的三个排比句很不错,个人觉得把life is … and I am…中的and改成in which好些,更强调自己和生活的关系。不过改得多了就完全是成人的口气了,不可爱了。
呵呵,感慨啊!在她那个年纪,我也曾满怀信心和骄傲地说过I am the shinest…之类的话,现在断然不会再说了。不过不是因为失去信心,而是因为懂得内敛了。
I Already voted for her.
river, wave: "wave mainly can be seen in sea not in the river"
the shiniest view: "most bright scene?"
music, and I am the liveliest period (movement):"chapter or tones"
I will save sunshine and burst it everyday: "and share it with or give it to the world in need everyday??"
Anyway, good luck!